Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
