Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
