Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
