Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
