My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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