quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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