dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
