help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
