No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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