"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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