he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
