just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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