Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
