it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
