careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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