Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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