I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
