Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your cock deserves a montage
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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