he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
