did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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