Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
