just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I died a long time ago.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
