Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
