The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
