i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you win again, gameday.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
