Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
