All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
