that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
