After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
