I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
