so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
