Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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