ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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