I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
