The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
