I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
