I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
