I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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