You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
