If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
