why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
