I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
