yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
