My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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