I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
