i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
