ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
