Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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