Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
