All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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