He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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